I've followed your writing Benya, and you are doing great work in telling the true tale of addiction and recovery.

I am a psychiatrist and was in a practice was 23 years. The substance abuse counselor in our practice used to say, "How do you know when an addict is lying? When he opens his mouth." Although cynical as a joke this man was devoted and met any addict any time they were ready. How addiction drives good people to lie so easily is a mystery. But it is a testament to the power of addiction.

The power of AA's insistence of complete sobriety (vs cutting back) is that it confronts the essential denial that underlies addictions. No more lies. If you are sincere you quit. If you can't then there's your problem.

Keep writing Benya, we both know there are people reading who are not ready yet to stop.